Big Move

While playing solitaire on my ipod, I like to imagine that I'm a nationally recognized player, playing at a professional level...even though I lose most of the time. While I play I have a large audience of cheering, adoring, fans. They hang on every move I make, gasping and yelling at the turn of every card. I turn over an Ace, "Big move! Big move!" says one middle-aged gentleman enthusiastically. He is wearing a white dress shirt, is somewhat overweight, and balding. A middle-aged woman in a glimmering cocktail dress and dangling, excessive jewelry, her hair all done up in one of those spider-clamp things, nods approvingly, holding up her glass of champagne. '40s jazz is playing in the background, a piano the focus.

They all cheer and follow every moment joyously. They are sure I'll win every time, until they are utterly disappointed the 9 or so times out of 10 that I lose. But they aren't disappointed in me, rather for me. And when I do lose one man calls, "We'll get 'em next time!" Another, "Could happen to anyone. The odds are stacked!"

They all begin to cheer again excitedly as I press "Random Shuffle."



Could happen to anyone...

London is Looming

Monday, July 16, 2012

Stress related explosions in the morning. Tension soon subsided as steam was released. Picked up a knife, shoes, tools, flashlight, and lots of socks. I also went to Toshe to pick up a power converter. Language barrier at the campground before bed.

Sleepy Times

Sleepies not at dark times but at sun times. G-Ma on the phone and London talks. Watched a Canadian Pilgrim's progress with some NJ friends. Drawing faces is fun. Wheezy Waiter helps me forget about the stress of flying in 2 days.

Potent Perplexities

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Sometimes memories stalk as shadows in broad daylight, taking human form, or inhabit life in some other physical way. Shadows stretch long and thin even with the sun at its apex. All is not horror, though. Genuine friendship is still to be had, and old friendships remembered are more precious than silver. "Parting is such sweet sorrow"--goodbye always comes too soon: "I love you guys!!--ok...this is gay."

Lonely On Purpose

Sometimes I purposely post somewhere I'm sure almost no one will see. There are certain eyes I want to avoid...even though I still want my post to sort of be public. It's an interesting desire...one that cannot be easily explained.

I complicate even myself. Maybe what I really want is someone who cares enough to figure me out and help me figure myself out. Someone who really cares and who I can trust with anything...who wants to hear everything I have to say...and enjoys hearing it. Hears it without judgement and just stays with me, even after I've told them everything. I guess that's sort of too much to ask for.

I think I want that too much.

Park With Da Boyz

Friday, July 13, 2012

"Wow! She's so perfect. If only she was...but it doesn't matter. I'll never meet her anyway." Robots in the park make me miss girls I've never met.

Coiled Electricity

Thursday, July 12, 2012

All day on a couch in the middle of nothing. Lights blow out and we fix them, wire cutters in hand. A smallish girl from Paraguay can speak no English. I talk to her through Google Translate. House of Heros is a worthy friend to spend the day with.